these days

It's certainly been a while since my last post! A year...

We are certainly walking a little older, wiser, newer, sweeter, stronger, and a little more broken than we were in January of 2012. We are more different and more the same, and more together, which is my favorite.

These days we have been in transition mode...

We had a splendid holiday. Curtis stole my heart again with a romantic getaway! We walked on white sand, swam with sea turtles 50 feet under, simply enjoyed doing absolutely nothing important or pressing for 5 days in 80 degrees of tropical wonder.

But home we came and 80 degrees quickly became 25 and time together now quickly leaves at 7am and doesn't return until 5 with books and papers and projects vying for his attention...

We know it's going to take some getting used to. But we are more anxious, excited, expectant this season than before. We have some big decisions, I like to call them doors, to open up to in the next few short months ahead.

Job applications, cardboard boxes, month-to-month leasing, lots of prayers and one big national board exam. This season has been long awaited, long anticipated but somehow it seems that it has sprung upon us all of the sudden and I find myself walking tip-toed, reluctantly, clinging to hope, wisdom, trust, peace... not knowing what it will bring, where He will lead.

Still, we'll embrace it somehow. We'll walk forward. These days will be long remembered for how they challenged us, how we changed. These days will be the springboard to something very, very new. I will take each one as it's given. Oh, let them not be wasted. Let them be sweet.

Away

 I miss being young and waking up to white wonderlands,

baking, tasting and decorating cookies, 

giving special attention to buttons, eyes, noses and smiles. 

I miss the anticipation,

the joy...

 We went to his home and all of the sudden 

my husband became a chef!

Pancakes to perfection.

I see him smile and I am swept away...

 Away to beauty I had never known.

Creation I had only dreamed about, longed to be apart of.

But, oh so far, far away...

We laughed so hard together.

We were timeless.

We shared real life.

He had so much fun on that mountain!

And he blew me away with his patience and protection

as I fell and fell again, got frustrated and scared,

he just pulled me up out of that snow and believed in me

...and I flew.

We welcomed the new year with friends and family,

sushi and fireworks and sparkling champagne.

What will 2012 hold for us?

What will we give away this year,

what will we lose,

what will we gain?

 So many questions.

I only know I cannot be scared.

I am finding more and more reasons to give thanks.

And when I say them, when write them down,

as I count these graces I am given every day,

there I find the joy I had missed.

The joy that never really goes 

Away.

thankful

I am thankful. 

Thankful for the man who sings Adam Sandler 

to me while I wash the dishes...

"I'll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let ya hold the remote control

All I wanna do is grow old with you."

Me too, babe.

 I'm thankful for a bright warm sun on a cold day, staying indoors to cut out paper flags and magazine letters. Thankful for how they glow in the light, reminding me how to glow inside.

 I'm thankful for random dancing in the living room, making music and dipping backwards until my hand touches the ground. Thankful for the strong arms that hold me up and pull me in tight. 

 I am thankful for barren twigs that come alive with heartfelt words of gratitude. Thankful for ideas that spring from a mind at rest, contemplative on the goodness of our God, the love and joy He gives me.

 I'm thankful for home-made pie crust, the golden globs that make my hands sore and counters laden with flour snow.

 Thankful for a hearty meal to share together, to last the weekend and sustain my husband while he works so long.

 I'm thankful to know him, to receive him, to break bread together and live in the peace and fullness of our Savior-Life.

I still have much to learn about being thankful... 

in all things.

Jesus, thank you for making me thankful today.

So thankful.

beautiful death

time to walk, to pause, to listen, to seek, 

to capture the moments, the freshness, 

the beautiful death of autumn...

colors that steal my gaze and catch my breath, 

vibrant as fiery gems burning in the sunlight

the movement of earth to gather in preparation, to travel, 

to build shelter, to savor the last of harvest's offerings 

before winter's eve sets in

time to be thankful, to be still, to know peace and feel joy 

in this glorious display of life...

knowing it will soon fall helplessly to the ground, 

barren and brown, cold and burried 

beneath the coming snow

the golden light will turn grey, 

the clear blue will turn to a misty haze, 

the warmth and fragrance will vanish in the 

sting of icy breath

but the memory will stay, 

the hope of green will grow in my heart 

and the waiting will be salved with the 

treasure of togetherness, the warmth of generosity, 

and the fragrance of love. 

my soul thrives in this beautiful death

 as the earth cries out it's last seasonal song

 to the Maker of all things new 

I too, am most beautiful when I let my colors fall to the ground

 allowing His brilliant light to shine through

a week of birthday

 I love my birthday. To me, it is the most beautiful day of the year. The weather is always perfect. The trees display the height of their gorgeous colors just for me, and I gladly receive an abundance of love, attention, and blessings from those who know me best. Perhaps my parents spoiled me on my birthday growing up, but truly, what more could a girl ask for!? Sam & Hayley's beautiful backyard provided the perfect setting for a yummy meal shared around the fire ring, laughing and praying together, and trying out Sam's new swing! I can hardly wait to have a home like this someday...

 This year, the week of my birthday marked significant changes in my life. I had just started a new position at work and my body was still adjusting to sleeping at night and eating during the day when I traveled home to Kansas City to visit my family. My grandparents and sister were in town and it made for a lovely time of fine dining, shopping, savoring morning coffee and venturing on 5 mile walks together. Pretty soon, my body started thanking me for going back to a 'normal' routine!

 Elle and I made time to reconnect with our dear friend RuthAnn after many months apart. Such a beautiful sisterhood we three share! There's no way to explain the how precious a friend and sister can be. There's no better expression of love than to know and be known. 

 The change continued with my little buddy, Scooter. At 4 months old, he was as ornery and energetic as ever, fighting for my attention, and never wanting to leave my side. I loved him so much... which is how I came to the realization that I needed to let him go. Living in an apartment with no yard and having to lock him in a crate for 12+ hours at a time when we went to work was just not working for him or me. No matter how many hours we spent walking or playing, he needed so much more than I could give and it broke my heart. So, I said goodbye to my loyal companion and cried more tears than I can remember crying in a very long time.

 Only this little guy could make me smile :) The day Scooter left, we took Clay Henry Unruh to the Pumpkin Patch just to capture his adorable expression and match his hair to the bright orange balls he was so enthralled with. What a little pumpkin he is! Someday, a little person like him will capture all of my attention and affection, and I won't have to worry about letting go too soon.

 I traveled back to Springfield and sadly picked up all of Scooter's toys, his food and water bowl, his many bones and packed up his crate into the closet. To get my mind off of missing him, I baked the most scrumptious dessert I've ever made: Apple Spice Cake with Toasted Pecans and a Browned Butter Frosting from a recipe found in Southern Living Magazine. All the wonderful flavors of Autumn, yum!

 Curtis and I enjoyed a comforting meal of baked garlic chicken and roasted potatoes, a glass of wine and my delicious cake, then we went on a shopping spree! He bought me all kinds of cute clothes, new jeans, some home decor and my favorite latte. We went to bed that night watching a movie, then I got a wake up call at 2:15am to come in to work as they were short-staffed and my name was next on the list to come. I worked 17 hours that day, the day of my birthday and I've never been so emotionally, physically and mentally spent. Around lunch time, I received a special delivery from my adoring husband: a gorgeous bouquet of yellow roses! Everyone in my department was so jealous :) Thanks, babe!

All in all, my week of birthday had some ups and downs, but as this week often symbolizes a season's change, so in my life I found a new beginning, a new chapter to embrace and the desire to wait expectantly on the Lord to reveal his good plans and purposes for me. He reminded me that "To everything there is a season and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven... He has made everything beautiful in its time and has planted eternity in the hearts of men, and yet we still cannot fathom what He has done from beginning to end." 

Ecclesiastes Chapter 3.

I'm trusting, Lord, and believing that things will be beautiful... that they already are, and I'm just opening my eyes to see it all around me! Happy 24th. Here's to a year of change, growth, thankfulness, promise, possibility, peace and joy!

09.11.11

 September 11th became a sweeter day for me when the boy I crushed on from the moment we met asked to know me "better than friends". I was speechless then as I've been speechless many times over by his sincerity, boldness, passion and love for me. 

 He leads me confidently, always a few steps ahead, paving the way, trusting I will follow him...

and faithfully, joyfully, purposefully I do.

 I don't always know his thoughts. I don't always understand his reason. But I trust his heart, and I believe in the One he follows, I know the Love he gives is real; will last...

 He's so much funnier than me! I only wish I could have some killer come-backs 'cause it's really not fair how hilarious he can be... only downside is he doesn't always pick the best times to be funny... except this one:

Who needs a cork screw?

 From start to finish, the whole evening was planned... grilled Italian chicken salad, grainy bread with dipping sauces, and of course, the wine!

 My only touch was a glorious apple crumb pie to remember the sweet moments from our wedding day one year ago.

And the flavor of love we've now shared four years today.

What an incredible journey it has been! Many, many challenges, but so much more love than we ever dreamed of; so much promise for the days ahead...

 Happy Anniversary my husband! I love you so much more than I can say...

Thank you for loving me!