Days

The long months have transformed into numbered weeks

and now mere days exist between me and my heart being laid bare

My world turned inside-out… literally!

It all comes down to a moment. 

A day that will be marked on my life's timeline forever

The day I meet the one who makes me a mama

Ending one journey to start another.

A day filled with promise and praise

Though not void of pain and purposed work.

It will be the work of grace.

For the joy set before me I will endure…

His grace made complete in me…

All-sufficient.

These last few weeks have shown me how weak I truly am.

How needful I am of His strength and patience 

His faith that all will be well

That all will come together for good.

And this gives me peace undeniable

Hope to anchor my soul

Dispelling lies and fear.

As my mother reminded me today,

He knows all her days, 

Especially the day of her birth!

And His ways are not our ways

But His ways are always good.

A long way home

We've come a long way from this day, nearly a year ago now...

We had no idea how far or how suddenly our lives would change.

It's been breath-taking, soul-shaking, raw and glorious and new.

So much wonder and venture and love all rushing over us like the great Columbia tide.

We've found comfort and friendship and simple pleasures amidst the ever-changing current of our course. Content, yet certain the road leads on...

He has been so steady, so unwaveringly true. 

So easy to follow, so pleasing to love.

We've actually had a lot of fun!

Despite the loneliness, the far-away feelings I sometimes get,

we've managed to splurge on adventure and romance and even make a few dreams come true.

We've explored beaches and mountain tops, searched our hearts and fathomed realities.

We've imagined things we never thought possible, never dared to hope.

Now it's been nearly a year and we're on the verge of a whole new season.

About to witness a miracle and experience a love neither of us can truly prepare for.

We'll take it all in stride like we've done thus far.

We may have taken the long road, but we've always enjoyed the view.

The farther we roam, the closer home seems to be.

Because home is a thing of the heart.

Growth...

The other night it thundered so hard we both woke startled and wondered if the window panes were still intact. Reassured we snuggled in close and morning came with this soft misty light and the first true green 2013 has ever seen. Wonderful, brilliant green. How we've missed you!

 And all of the sudden life just teems everywhere. Tender buds I hardly remember from the year before. Strange how seasons fold into one another so quickly, effortlessly, and yet so distinctly different from their predecessor. I've been struck with how my excitement for each one's coming also fades so quickly into a let's-move-on-to-the-next attitude. Why not enjoy each one, each day as if it were the first?

 So I challenged myself after a long workday to take my iphone out to the half mile gravel track near our apartment and breathe in this fresh spring air. The telephone poles and street lights marked my way in the dark and it was so invigorating. So worth it! 

I find that in these spontaneous free-spirit adventures, the choices seem easier and the rewards more sure. No matter my path or how far I run, I will have accomplished something worthwhile, if not to anyone else, at least to me. My mind will be refreshed, my body rejuvenated, my breath will be spent and full. Why not take this attitude into all my decisions? All our plans?

Take them as a brand new adventure 

with only good things to come and new paths to discover. Let our hearts be moved by each new 'season' of life and welcome them with open arms. Seasons come and go and that is the nature of life and every choice we make. I must learn to embrace them with open arms and an open heart. I must savor each one and take on the challenges as they come. Nothing lasts forever and change is inevitable. 

But so is growth...

In this moment...

"By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us - set us right with him, make us fit for him - we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand - out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. 

There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles  can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. 

In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary - we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"

Romans 5:1-5, The Message

welcome spring!

The birds have been singing in the early mornings for a few weeks now, stealing strips of straw from my flower basket on the deck rail. Undoubtedly, their nests will endure the storms to come.

Oh, come, spring, come! We are all ready to breathe you in again, to feel your warmth again.

You are the hope of all things green and bright and new...

For the past 21 days I've been re-training my taste buds to crave green over goodies. I do have an overwhelming love for sweets... And it gets the better of me sometimes :)

It's been such a good cleanse for me, experimenting with different flavor combinations, all raw and healing and life-giving. My energy and clarity are pristine.

(I gave up coffee too!)

Craving Vitamin D, I welcome the taste of California sunshine in pure white almond milk, creamy, nutty goodness soaked and strained.

 And pulsing those roasty nuts smooth with maple, cinnamon, and mocha flavors. So many options to play with and enjoy!

Or package up and give away.
(These are for you, Dad!)

So even though it snowed on the first day of this new season, I'll still say, "Welcome Spring!" Even if you are slow to show your colors and stingy on the sunshine, all good things come to those who wait, right? So I'll wait and enjoy my home-made goodies in the meantime!

Check out my inspiration at www.kriscarr.com/recipes
She's one crazy gal with a passion for health and wellness, loved her book!

gifts

I'm finding myself home alone more often.

I actually enjoy just sitting quiet, listening 

to my favorite tunes, getting chores done, cooking...

I don't think I've been bored a day in my life.

I could definitely be a stay-at-home wife! :)

The times I'm spending in stillness teach me so much.

The books, the writing down and underlining of simple

truths that set my heart and mind in the right places...

I need this space.

I need gratitude.

I need grace for myself and all my wanderings.

Starting over for the 3rd time in my gratitude journal.

So many gifts in just a little over a year...

So moving to look back on all the small and 

seemingly insignificant gifts that over time compile into 

this beautiful generosity over our lives...

Gifts we certainly didn't deserve and sadly forget 

so easily in all the bustle and business of day-to-day routine.

Forgetting even to say, "thank you!"

Taking the time to reflect on this Goodness gives me perspective.

I find inspiration to give the day a chance to surprise me again,

to give Him space to make me new again.

I wonder what wonderful gifts are in store for today!

choosing

These grey days take their toll.

I find myself sleeping late, dragging my feet, 

closing windows and doors and burying myself deep.

If only humans could hibernate!

I would so love to crawl into a warm dark cave

and cozy up all winter-long.

But alas, there is too much to do, too much to not neglect.

Obligations, opportunities and over-commitments.

Too much to miss.

So I choose to wake up each morning.

Make the bed and open the curtains wide,

letting the white light disperse the inner rooms of the soul.

Light brings warmth no matter the external temperature.

I soak it in.

Choose to look for the beauty around me.
Or create it if it's not easily found.

Choose to bless.

Choose to love.

And receive it.

This is sometimes the hardest.

Even at the end of an exhausting work day,

drained and spent,

Curtis reminds me there is still 

so much beauty in life,

 in me.

Beauty not meant to hide under the covers.

Or wallow in self-preservation-mode.

Beauty to be shared and savored.

Like good wine and sweet roses.

 Even on these grey days,

there is beauty and choosing and giving and receiving.

There is loving and longing and looking.

And there is finding.

Mostly when the choosing is made 

before the looking begins.

Choosing to be found.

winter warmth

Women gathered together this weekend. 

We dined and celebrated and shopped and 

shared hearts like only women do: 

with unashamed indulgence and vulnerability.

 And this little one stole our hearts with his quiet coos and 

feather-fingers gracing his wrinkly face. 

The most wonderful things start so very small. 

And grow so quickly into a knowing wonder, full of 

uniqueness and giggles and personality.

Amazing to me how little ones hold so much of our hearts!

The last few weeks of cold nights while Curtis labored over

books and research articles, I found cozy spots to twist yarn

into something warm. I've learned to embrace winter 

for the ways it warms me in spite of the chill it brings.

No other season can do it quite so well.

Only in winter do I light candles, drink too much coffee and tea, 

wear double socks and leggings and slouchy hats. 

Only in winter do I cut out red hearts and use pink sprinkles on 

Curtis' favorite treats.

Only winter gives the promise of spring and every cold day that the 

sun still shines makes the heart glow with hope and expectancy.

Today I am warmed through with thankfulness:

for healthy babies, beautiful mamas, sister-hearts, 

brothers' joy, father's affirmation, mother's generosity, 

husband's passion and warmth for me.

For he warms me most of all.

these days

It's certainly been a while since my last post! A year...

We are certainly walking a little older, wiser, newer, sweeter, stronger, and a little more broken than we were in January of 2012. We are more different and more the same, and more together, which is my favorite.

These days we have been in transition mode...

We had a splendid holiday. Curtis stole my heart again with a romantic getaway! We walked on white sand, swam with sea turtles 50 feet under, simply enjoyed doing absolutely nothing important or pressing for 5 days in 80 degrees of tropical wonder.

But home we came and 80 degrees quickly became 25 and time together now quickly leaves at 7am and doesn't return until 5 with books and papers and projects vying for his attention...

We know it's going to take some getting used to. But we are more anxious, excited, expectant this season than before. We have some big decisions, I like to call them doors, to open up to in the next few short months ahead.

Job applications, cardboard boxes, month-to-month leasing, lots of prayers and one big national board exam. This season has been long awaited, long anticipated but somehow it seems that it has sprung upon us all of the sudden and I find myself walking tip-toed, reluctantly, clinging to hope, wisdom, trust, peace... not knowing what it will bring, where He will lead.

Still, we'll embrace it somehow. We'll walk forward. These days will be long remembered for how they challenged us, how we changed. These days will be the springboard to something very, very new. I will take each one as it's given. Oh, let them not be wasted. Let them be sweet.

Away

 I miss being young and waking up to white wonderlands,

baking, tasting and decorating cookies, 

giving special attention to buttons, eyes, noses and smiles. 

I miss the anticipation,

the joy...

 We went to his home and all of the sudden 

my husband became a chef!

Pancakes to perfection.

I see him smile and I am swept away...

 Away to beauty I had never known.

Creation I had only dreamed about, longed to be apart of.

But, oh so far, far away...

We laughed so hard together.

We were timeless.

We shared real life.

He had so much fun on that mountain!

And he blew me away with his patience and protection

as I fell and fell again, got frustrated and scared,

he just pulled me up out of that snow and believed in me

...and I flew.

We welcomed the new year with friends and family,

sushi and fireworks and sparkling champagne.

What will 2012 hold for us?

What will we give away this year,

what will we lose,

what will we gain?

 So many questions.

I only know I cannot be scared.

I am finding more and more reasons to give thanks.

And when I say them, when write them down,

as I count these graces I am given every day,

there I find the joy I had missed.

The joy that never really goes 

Away.