This Road

Several unexpected bumps have come across our path lately

Some we've looked up with surprise and wonder

Others we've nodded and knowingly smiled

There's hope and uncertainty

Yet also peace and much trust 

What we do know is that seasons change

Our hearts grow wider and deeper with love and wisdom

And moving on or moving forward isn't truly saying goodbye

It's embracing the journey and finding gratitude for those who've shared 

and given so much of themselves to us along the way

Ryan + Ella

Salo + Nollie

Four babies born within six months of each other

All in all, seven children under the age of three

And we road-tripped them across the state to do real life together

To wake up in the wee morning hours 

And play and play 'til they crashed in our beds

To soak up sunny rays and breathe crisp mountain air

To simply be together... what a way to spend a vacation!

These friends who welcomed us into parenthood,

lovingly watching our daughter grow

And letting us be apart of their world...

There are no words

 Ten months old little girl!

One thing's for sure is that you make life beautiful

No matter where this road may lead us

We are a family

All of us

And God gives us a glimpse of eternity 

when we choose to live a life of love and togetherness

This road that we travel

May it be the straight and narrow

God give us peace and grace from You

all the days through

- Jars of Clay

Vintage

Me and my baby at nine months old… my mama and me at five

The same sweet dress handed down, so soft and worn and loved on

 My girl is a bit small for her age and these spring ruffles I wore 27 years ago

are just now buttoning up just right and coincidentially coming back in style, so fun!

Her blue blue eyes and rosy lips make her my perfect real-live dress-up dolly!

Oh, Nollie

How wonderful it is to be your mama!

To realize all the little and lovely things my mama did for me

that made such a large difference in who I am and who you are going to be

Its this generational love that connects us so deep inside 

and we learn what it means to be a child of God

to inherit His matchless love and wisdom

Grace and mercy

Kingdom and calling

Because we belong to a Love so much greater than any earthly family can provide

And I'm forever grateful to share that Love with you, my Dear 

to hand it down to your children's children, soft and worn

Like a vintage garment that fits just right

"For the Lord is good; His mercy and loving-kindness are everlasting, 

His faithfulness and truth endure from generation to generation."

Psalm 100:5

Heart

I've been reflecting on her birth story lately

How holding her felt like my heart was on top of my chest

And how it still does, and I linger it there, will it to stay, please stay

How she changed everything I thought I wanted, even needed

How much I've changed because of her

I never thought having a daughter would give me a fierceness that rakes my heart bare 

The same prayer I keep repeating, can't stop repeating, because I just can't bare to loose her

Can't hold her heart to suffer for her because I would and how it strains me, this heavy love

I never thought being a mama would so starve my selfishness, 

so sacredly call me to this hourly outpouring, moment by moment devotion, 

and tireless tiredness with such tremendous joy

She blooms overnight and I'm all water on the ground glorious

I could have recited pages of up-to-date data on physiology, feedings, sleep training and soothing 

And then the very second she cried it all fell foolishly to the ground

Who can know the heart that beats to sustain a life that pulls free leaving the heart completely helpless? 

How can a mother's heart ever stop yearning to pulse for the one it bled for?

It is my greatest gift to know her and be the witness of her life unfolding

To plant thousands of kisses on her and shower her with wisdom and praise

To model kindness and bravery and, with grace, 

Instill in her the heart of a mother she will someday be

Because it's the hardest and most wonderful thing she will ever do

Let Your Heart Be Light

 Nollie's first Christmas was picture perfect

She was enthralled with every shiny, glittery ember of color and jingle 

she could get her hands (or mouth) on and we often let her with a careful watching eye

 We were so blessed to receive two succulent Dungeness from a generous fishing family

and despite being without many of our loved ones, 

these delicious crab made the holiday quite extraordinary

 Thankfully our dear sistas Angela and Mallory made the trek out to Astoria 

to sit at our table and snuggle our little love bug

It wouldn't have been the same without them

We watched A Muppet Christmas Carol and drank cocoa with candy canes

before retiring to bed with our wee little wonder girl

The magic of this Eve still gets to me...

The next morning we helped her open presents and 

she ate wrapping paper and we put festive bows on her head

I found myself basking in the mess of it all, not a care in the world

but to be present here

 We lazed around the house, Facetimed grandmas and grandpas, ate a giant brunch and then 

went for a glorious sprinkling walk as tradition so graciously allowed

Her Daddy loves to stroll her up and down the hilly streets of our neighborhood, 

humorously questioning what would happen if he let go… um, please don't!

 All in all, these are the things I hope to remember this Christmas,

As my favorite carol sings:

Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more

Through the years 

We all will be together

If the fates allow

Hang a shining star

Upon the highest bough

And have yourself

A merry little Christmas now

Dear Daddy

you're the hero that gives me airplane rides 

catching me ever so softly as I land in your safe, strong arms

you're the first face I see each morning 

greeting me with scruffy kisses and big bright eyes

 I love watching the news with you before you go to work

you play with me and show me how to enjoy the simplest of pleasures

you sing me songs and let me grab your nose and pull on your beard

you take me to see hidden waterfalls, carrying me safely over muddy puddles 

and through misty woods to make memories I will carry in my heart

you take me on spontaneous coffee dates and let me taste latte foam 

you call me your princess and tell me how loved and beautiful I am

happy birthday daddy!

I love you with all the love you give to me each day

thank you for being my whole wide world

love,

Nollie

Firsts

 It's been a month of firsts, Nollie

You had your first night in your own room

I must admit I awoke twice as often just to check on you

And thankfully the [short] distance between us never phased you

You rolled over for the first time!

We were so enthralled 

And you acted as if you knew how to do it all along

Silly, wonderful, rolling girl

 Daddy made the first fire of the fall season

And you were completely mesmerized! 

What a handle on his heart you have, my dear

 You found your thumb for the first time!

Simply adorable

This has allowed you to soothe yourself sweetly to sleep

And I am not complaining

 It was not the first time I made my own birthday cake, 

but it was the first time I ate it by myself

(Only one or two, ok three slices, I might add)

Still, it was a lovely day just you and me

You are my greatest gift, my truest joy, my first born daughter

As am I, and that makes us quite special, you know

The first of many (I hope!) mother-daughter devotional times began this month

Not just you and me, but with your Grammy and Aunties as well!

Sweet truths shared, our hearts daily encouraged, deepening together

Such a welcomed way to start our days, even though miles apart

For you, darling, every waking moment holds the promise of new firsts

And you make me hold each moment precious as if it were the first and only one

How fast these five months with you have flown!

Here's to a lifetime of firsts ahead of us

I love you with all my heart,

Mama