welcome spring!

The birds have been singing in the early mornings for a few weeks now, stealing strips of straw from my flower basket on the deck rail. Undoubtedly, their nests will endure the storms to come.

Oh, come, spring, come! We are all ready to breathe you in again, to feel your warmth again.

You are the hope of all things green and bright and new...

For the past 21 days I've been re-training my taste buds to crave green over goodies. I do have an overwhelming love for sweets... And it gets the better of me sometimes :)

It's been such a good cleanse for me, experimenting with different flavor combinations, all raw and healing and life-giving. My energy and clarity are pristine.

(I gave up coffee too!)

Craving Vitamin D, I welcome the taste of California sunshine in pure white almond milk, creamy, nutty goodness soaked and strained.

 And pulsing those roasty nuts smooth with maple, cinnamon, and mocha flavors. So many options to play with and enjoy!

Or package up and give away.
(These are for you, Dad!)

So even though it snowed on the first day of this new season, I'll still say, "Welcome Spring!" Even if you are slow to show your colors and stingy on the sunshine, all good things come to those who wait, right? So I'll wait and enjoy my home-made goodies in the meantime!

Check out my inspiration at www.kriscarr.com/recipes
She's one crazy gal with a passion for health and wellness, loved her book!

gifts

I'm finding myself home alone more often.

I actually enjoy just sitting quiet, listening 

to my favorite tunes, getting chores done, cooking...

I don't think I've been bored a day in my life.

I could definitely be a stay-at-home wife! :)

The times I'm spending in stillness teach me so much.

The books, the writing down and underlining of simple

truths that set my heart and mind in the right places...

I need this space.

I need gratitude.

I need grace for myself and all my wanderings.

Starting over for the 3rd time in my gratitude journal.

So many gifts in just a little over a year...

So moving to look back on all the small and 

seemingly insignificant gifts that over time compile into 

this beautiful generosity over our lives...

Gifts we certainly didn't deserve and sadly forget 

so easily in all the bustle and business of day-to-day routine.

Forgetting even to say, "thank you!"

Taking the time to reflect on this Goodness gives me perspective.

I find inspiration to give the day a chance to surprise me again,

to give Him space to make me new again.

I wonder what wonderful gifts are in store for today!

choosing

These grey days take their toll.

I find myself sleeping late, dragging my feet, 

closing windows and doors and burying myself deep.

If only humans could hibernate!

I would so love to crawl into a warm dark cave

and cozy up all winter-long.

But alas, there is too much to do, too much to not neglect.

Obligations, opportunities and over-commitments.

Too much to miss.

So I choose to wake up each morning.

Make the bed and open the curtains wide,

letting the white light disperse the inner rooms of the soul.

Light brings warmth no matter the external temperature.

I soak it in.

Choose to look for the beauty around me.
Or create it if it's not easily found.

Choose to bless.

Choose to love.

And receive it.

This is sometimes the hardest.

Even at the end of an exhausting work day,

drained and spent,

Curtis reminds me there is still 

so much beauty in life,

 in me.

Beauty not meant to hide under the covers.

Or wallow in self-preservation-mode.

Beauty to be shared and savored.

Like good wine and sweet roses.

 Even on these grey days,

there is beauty and choosing and giving and receiving.

There is loving and longing and looking.

And there is finding.

Mostly when the choosing is made 

before the looking begins.

Choosing to be found.

winter warmth

Women gathered together this weekend. 

We dined and celebrated and shopped and 

shared hearts like only women do: 

with unashamed indulgence and vulnerability.

 And this little one stole our hearts with his quiet coos and 

feather-fingers gracing his wrinkly face. 

The most wonderful things start so very small. 

And grow so quickly into a knowing wonder, full of 

uniqueness and giggles and personality.

Amazing to me how little ones hold so much of our hearts!

The last few weeks of cold nights while Curtis labored over

books and research articles, I found cozy spots to twist yarn

into something warm. I've learned to embrace winter 

for the ways it warms me in spite of the chill it brings.

No other season can do it quite so well.

Only in winter do I light candles, drink too much coffee and tea, 

wear double socks and leggings and slouchy hats. 

Only in winter do I cut out red hearts and use pink sprinkles on 

Curtis' favorite treats.

Only winter gives the promise of spring and every cold day that the 

sun still shines makes the heart glow with hope and expectancy.

Today I am warmed through with thankfulness:

for healthy babies, beautiful mamas, sister-hearts, 

brothers' joy, father's affirmation, mother's generosity, 

husband's passion and warmth for me.

For he warms me most of all.

these days

It's certainly been a while since my last post! A year...

We are certainly walking a little older, wiser, newer, sweeter, stronger, and a little more broken than we were in January of 2012. We are more different and more the same, and more together, which is my favorite.

These days we have been in transition mode...

We had a splendid holiday. Curtis stole my heart again with a romantic getaway! We walked on white sand, swam with sea turtles 50 feet under, simply enjoyed doing absolutely nothing important or pressing for 5 days in 80 degrees of tropical wonder.

But home we came and 80 degrees quickly became 25 and time together now quickly leaves at 7am and doesn't return until 5 with books and papers and projects vying for his attention...

We know it's going to take some getting used to. But we are more anxious, excited, expectant this season than before. We have some big decisions, I like to call them doors, to open up to in the next few short months ahead.

Job applications, cardboard boxes, month-to-month leasing, lots of prayers and one big national board exam. This season has been long awaited, long anticipated but somehow it seems that it has sprung upon us all of the sudden and I find myself walking tip-toed, reluctantly, clinging to hope, wisdom, trust, peace... not knowing what it will bring, where He will lead.

Still, we'll embrace it somehow. We'll walk forward. These days will be long remembered for how they challenged us, how we changed. These days will be the springboard to something very, very new. I will take each one as it's given. Oh, let them not be wasted. Let them be sweet.

Away

 I miss being young and waking up to white wonderlands,

baking, tasting and decorating cookies, 

giving special attention to buttons, eyes, noses and smiles. 

I miss the anticipation,

the joy...

 We went to his home and all of the sudden 

my husband became a chef!

Pancakes to perfection.

I see him smile and I am swept away...

 Away to beauty I had never known.

Creation I had only dreamed about, longed to be apart of.

But, oh so far, far away...

We laughed so hard together.

We were timeless.

We shared real life.

He had so much fun on that mountain!

And he blew me away with his patience and protection

as I fell and fell again, got frustrated and scared,

he just pulled me up out of that snow and believed in me

...and I flew.

We welcomed the new year with friends and family,

sushi and fireworks and sparkling champagne.

What will 2012 hold for us?

What will we give away this year,

what will we lose,

what will we gain?

 So many questions.

I only know I cannot be scared.

I am finding more and more reasons to give thanks.

And when I say them, when write them down,

as I count these graces I am given every day,

there I find the joy I had missed.

The joy that never really goes 

Away.

thankful

I am thankful. 

Thankful for the man who sings Adam Sandler 

to me while I wash the dishes...

"I'll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let ya hold the remote control

All I wanna do is grow old with you."

Me too, babe.

 I'm thankful for a bright warm sun on a cold day, staying indoors to cut out paper flags and magazine letters. Thankful for how they glow in the light, reminding me how to glow inside.

 I'm thankful for random dancing in the living room, making music and dipping backwards until my hand touches the ground. Thankful for the strong arms that hold me up and pull me in tight. 

 I am thankful for barren twigs that come alive with heartfelt words of gratitude. Thankful for ideas that spring from a mind at rest, contemplative on the goodness of our God, the love and joy He gives me.

 I'm thankful for home-made pie crust, the golden globs that make my hands sore and counters laden with flour snow.

 Thankful for a hearty meal to share together, to last the weekend and sustain my husband while he works so long.

 I'm thankful to know him, to receive him, to break bread together and live in the peace and fullness of our Savior-Life.

I still have much to learn about being thankful... 

in all things.

Jesus, thank you for making me thankful today.

So thankful.

beautiful death

time to walk, to pause, to listen, to seek, 

to capture the moments, the freshness, 

the beautiful death of autumn...

colors that steal my gaze and catch my breath, 

vibrant as fiery gems burning in the sunlight

the movement of earth to gather in preparation, to travel, 

to build shelter, to savor the last of harvest's offerings 

before winter's eve sets in

time to be thankful, to be still, to know peace and feel joy 

in this glorious display of life...

knowing it will soon fall helplessly to the ground, 

barren and brown, cold and burried 

beneath the coming snow

the golden light will turn grey, 

the clear blue will turn to a misty haze, 

the warmth and fragrance will vanish in the 

sting of icy breath

but the memory will stay, 

the hope of green will grow in my heart 

and the waiting will be salved with the 

treasure of togetherness, the warmth of generosity, 

and the fragrance of love. 

my soul thrives in this beautiful death

 as the earth cries out it's last seasonal song

 to the Maker of all things new 

I too, am most beautiful when I let my colors fall to the ground

 allowing His brilliant light to shine through

a week of birthday

 I love my birthday. To me, it is the most beautiful day of the year. The weather is always perfect. The trees display the height of their gorgeous colors just for me, and I gladly receive an abundance of love, attention, and blessings from those who know me best. Perhaps my parents spoiled me on my birthday growing up, but truly, what more could a girl ask for!? Sam & Hayley's beautiful backyard provided the perfect setting for a yummy meal shared around the fire ring, laughing and praying together, and trying out Sam's new swing! I can hardly wait to have a home like this someday...

 This year, the week of my birthday marked significant changes in my life. I had just started a new position at work and my body was still adjusting to sleeping at night and eating during the day when I traveled home to Kansas City to visit my family. My grandparents and sister were in town and it made for a lovely time of fine dining, shopping, savoring morning coffee and venturing on 5 mile walks together. Pretty soon, my body started thanking me for going back to a 'normal' routine!

 Elle and I made time to reconnect with our dear friend RuthAnn after many months apart. Such a beautiful sisterhood we three share! There's no way to explain the how precious a friend and sister can be. There's no better expression of love than to know and be known. 

 The change continued with my little buddy, Scooter. At 4 months old, he was as ornery and energetic as ever, fighting for my attention, and never wanting to leave my side. I loved him so much... which is how I came to the realization that I needed to let him go. Living in an apartment with no yard and having to lock him in a crate for 12+ hours at a time when we went to work was just not working for him or me. No matter how many hours we spent walking or playing, he needed so much more than I could give and it broke my heart. So, I said goodbye to my loyal companion and cried more tears than I can remember crying in a very long time.

 Only this little guy could make me smile :) The day Scooter left, we took Clay Henry Unruh to the Pumpkin Patch just to capture his adorable expression and match his hair to the bright orange balls he was so enthralled with. What a little pumpkin he is! Someday, a little person like him will capture all of my attention and affection, and I won't have to worry about letting go too soon.

 I traveled back to Springfield and sadly picked up all of Scooter's toys, his food and water bowl, his many bones and packed up his crate into the closet. To get my mind off of missing him, I baked the most scrumptious dessert I've ever made: Apple Spice Cake with Toasted Pecans and a Browned Butter Frosting from a recipe found in Southern Living Magazine. All the wonderful flavors of Autumn, yum!

 Curtis and I enjoyed a comforting meal of baked garlic chicken and roasted potatoes, a glass of wine and my delicious cake, then we went on a shopping spree! He bought me all kinds of cute clothes, new jeans, some home decor and my favorite latte. We went to bed that night watching a movie, then I got a wake up call at 2:15am to come in to work as they were short-staffed and my name was next on the list to come. I worked 17 hours that day, the day of my birthday and I've never been so emotionally, physically and mentally spent. Around lunch time, I received a special delivery from my adoring husband: a gorgeous bouquet of yellow roses! Everyone in my department was so jealous :) Thanks, babe!

All in all, my week of birthday had some ups and downs, but as this week often symbolizes a season's change, so in my life I found a new beginning, a new chapter to embrace and the desire to wait expectantly on the Lord to reveal his good plans and purposes for me. He reminded me that "To everything there is a season and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven... He has made everything beautiful in its time and has planted eternity in the hearts of men, and yet we still cannot fathom what He has done from beginning to end." 

Ecclesiastes Chapter 3.

I'm trusting, Lord, and believing that things will be beautiful... that they already are, and I'm just opening my eyes to see it all around me! Happy 24th. Here's to a year of change, growth, thankfulness, promise, possibility, peace and joy!